Like many, I discovered a love of fiber art from my grandmother. As I was the oldest of all her grandchildren, my mispronunciation of “Grandma” was the name that stuck and for the next 36 years, she would be known as “Grandy.” I remember watching her knit, wiggling the clinking needles and colorful yarns in the air and by some mysterious process, producing an afghan for each of her many grandchildren.

I asked her to teach me how to knit once when I was probably 8 or 9 years old, and she told me that I had to learn how to crochet before I could learn how to knit. I did crochet first, but at that time I never got farther than crocheting a long single crochet chain. It was later that she confessed to me that she was actually trying to avoid teaching me how to knit. Can you believe it? She had her reasons though. She was a left handed continental style knitter and thought it would be easier for me to learn from a right handed knitter.

I did learn the basics of knitting from a right handed knitter eventually, and when I went to Grandy to show off my new skill, she told me I should have learned Continental, not English because Continental was faster. Undeterred, I begged her to teach me how to cable knit. I wanted a cable knit headband because I thought the intricately twisting stitches looks so classically elegant and it would keep my ears warm without messing up my hair. She pulled out some leftover worsted blue yarn and told me to cast on. She knew the pattern from memory. The headband came out a little lumpy because my hands and her painfully arthritic hands had very different tensions, but between the two of us, we knit a lovely little blue headband with a *mostly* elegant cable twisting itself around the band.

Although I learned the basics of knitting from someone else, I still consider Grandy my knitting teacher. Years later, I wiggled my needles together to make Grandy her own knitted afghan. She was very impressed with my work, and I know she would have corrected me if any of my technique was wrong. The afghan came back to me ten years later when Grandy died. She was 95 years old.

Along with the afghan came the boxes she had in storage containing all her other craft supplies. She was a knitter but she also did crochet, sewing, quilting, latch hook and European hooking (leading to endless jokes about Grandy being a hooker to which she would say, “Oh, yes,” and roll her eyes with a giggle). She also did many different forms of needlework including embroidery, cross stitch, hardanger, cruel, and needlepoint. When my grandfather died and Grandy moved to an apartment closer to her children and grandchildren, so many things were sold and given away so in a way that was a blessing. There wasn’t as much stuff. However this almost made what was left more difficult to go through because I knew it was the projects and supplies she loved the most.

Last night, my mom and I brought the last five boxes into the dining room and began to sort through them. Throughout the process, my mom and I both reacted differently to the task at hand, sometimes in opposite ways.

Stitch #1 Be kind to yourself and others. There is no single way to grieve, and whatever feelings surface during the sorting of a loved one’s possessions, they are valid.

One of the first projects we pulled out of the box was a project I remember my mom and Grandy completing when I was about 7 or 8 years old. It was about the time I started asking Grandy to teach me how to knit. They sewed a large set of balloon curtains for the living room window in my Mom’s house. They were all the colors of the country cottage decor of the 80s. Some of the fabric samples were still squashed into the bag with the Butterick curtain patterns. I’m sure that, like, in 1987 that was some radical mauve and dusty rose floral badness, but when it came out of the box my mom was all like, “Gag me with a spoon.” Even though those curtains were a monumental undertaking of sewing and constructions skills, it was the memory of the project and not the project itself that was special.

Stitch #2 Not everything is timeless. It’s ok to let go of the things that fell out of fashion.

As we continued through the box, I found some works in progress. Grandy had 14 blocks of a quilt completed, but obviously the quilt was incomplete. There was also a small cross stitch project in a little decorative hoop that said, “Bee my h.” I’m assuming it would have said, “Bee my honey,” and then finish off with a little bee in the open space. My mom kept the quilt blocks, but threw away the partially completed cross stitch.

Stitch #3 If a work in progress can’t be completed as it’s original design, maybe it can be finished in a different way to keep the memory of the person who made it. Quilt blocks don’t need to become a whole quilt, they can become a wall hanging sampler, a throw, some pillows, a quilted project bag, or even just framed and hung as artwork. There are many ways to finish an incomplete project.

Stitch #4 Not every work in progress is worth finishing. As people age, their skills and abilities change. The little cross stitch was a simple project for Grandy’s arthritic hands and failing eyes, I’m sure, but it is not the item that will remind me of her amazing needle work skills. It’s ok to let that go.

We continued to dig and came across some yarn, crochet hooks, and large gauge knitting needles. This is when I started to feel emotional. My connection to Grandy was with knitting and crochet. I snatched up every hook and needle I could find. My mom and I shifted our emotions. Where my mom started out nostalgic, I was a little more about making decisions and moving on. However, those knitting needles broke my mom’s nostalgia because she never learned to knit so they weren’t special to her. But they are very special to me. I want to choose my next knitting project based on those needles because I want my hands to be where Grandy’s hands were. I had also thought that all of Grandy’s knitting needles went to one of my cousins who also knits, so I was glad to have a few sets of needles and some hooks from Grandy to add to my own collection.

Stitch #5Different items will elicit different connections and memories for different people. Be sensitive to the changing dynamic as the project progresses.

At this point we had dug out a good sized stack of pattern books, stitching dictionaries, and various needle working kits. We separated them into piles based on each specific craft (cross stitch, applique, hardanger, embroidery, etc). Once they were all in piles, we picked out only the books that my mom and I are interested in actually using. That included hardanger and embroidery for my mom, and knitting for me. The rest of the pattern books will go to a thrift shop where they will hopefully find their way into the hands of people who will find a project they like and use them.

Stitch #6 Books are meant to be read and used. Put them in the hands of people who will give them purpose whether that is you, a friend, or a stranger.

While sorting through the books, a note fell out of one. It was a date, time, and location of a quilter’s meeting. The original Facebook. We all took a moment to catch our breath as we looked at the note together. Handwriting is as recognizable as a face. We also found a few pictures of my grandparents and some other family members. I’m glad we didn’t send those off to the thrift shop with the pattern books. We also found Grandy’s row counting notes, which made me smile because I remember her telling me to write my rows down and I would never get lost. I don’t, and I’m always lost… And, a few patterns she wrote out herself. I’ll probably go through her patterns and type them up.

Stitch #7 Flip through every book, paper, and folder so you don’t miss any treasured memories.

While digging down into the boxes, we found piles of notions, tools, and other random objects at the bottom of the bins. We organized everything the best we could into different crafts. We also had dug deep enough to find pieces of projects that had become separated. We found an embroidered pillow cover waiting to be sewn together near the top, the picture of the kit further down, and the actual instructions even further down into the box. We put all the pieces together and now it looks like some stitching around the edge will have this project complete. A special treasure, for sure!

Stitch #8 Be mindful of project parts that have gotten separated from each other. You might have something you can complete to have a special memory of your loved one in multiple places. This can especially happen if someone else boxed up the craft items other than the crafter, things get shuffled around.

In the random notions at the bottom of the bins there were some “lots” items. We found score cards for playing Bridge with a few decks of cards. My youngest son, Grandy’s great-grandson, loves family game night. Him having her deck of cards will be special to him.

This was the point when my oldest son, another of Grandy’s great-grandsons, came shuffling into the room. I have done my best to get him involved in hobbies that require acquiring hands on skills. He picked up knitting for a little while, but he really connected with wireworking. He has some beautiful tree of life wire wrapped creations. When we dug out the small screwdrivers from Sears/Kenmore that I’m sure came from various sewing machine kits over the years, my son’s eyes lit up. Those little screwdrivers found a home in his wireworking tool box.

Stitch #9 Consider other family members, especially the youngest generation of the family. Something small and random to you might be very special to them.

A few bonus finds were discovered that are special to my family that make me very glad we went through the boxes to know what was in each one. I could imagine someone assuming the whole box was crafting supplies and maybe missing something at the bottom. In one of our boxes, I found my Papa’s high school yearbook from 1938. The inscription under his name said, “Everett is the quiet chap with lots of money for an education. Here’s hoping he uses it.” So why did my grandfather have “lots of money for an education?” There was also a note in the yearbook written by Grandy. It said Papa was given $1,200 by two sisters. Papa was a paperboy and rather than leaving the paper on the lawn, he took it to the house to give to these two elderly sisters. He also helped them carry groceries and do other odd jobs around the house. They left him the $1,200 and Papa used it to get his degree in Civil Engineering at Bradley University. He graduated in 1941 just in time to join the Army for WWII. His kindness to those two sisters changed our family story.

Stitch #10 Go through every box and don’t assume you know what is hidden in the bottom.

Of course I did find a few other things that I will add to my own stash. A bodkin was a fun find for me because I’ve always wanted one, but never think to look for one when I’m at Joann’s. I also found some lace that will be added to one of my Wheel of Mystery projects. Grandy thought it was so amazing that I learned how to spin and make my own yarn. I reminded her that dying her own wool for her rug hooking wasn’t too far off from starting from scratch, but she was still impressed. I’ll enjoy having a skein with a little reminder of her in it.

Stitch #11 Can something be re-purposed into a new project to give it a new life?

Up until this point, my mom and I were holding it together, but the sadness was starting to weigh on our hearts heavily. My husband and sons had come in to help and we were getting through things until I pulled a roll of muslin out of a project bag. I got a whiff of the muslin and with that smell, I was transported right back to Grandy and Papa’s house in central Illinois. The memory was as instant, real, and present. The tears broke. It funny how smells connect us so strongly to our memories. And it was OK to cry. At the end of the night, we still had a box and a half that we didn’t get all the way through. We were sad, tired, and emotionally drained. We decided to put the rest away and finish going through it the next time my mom comes to visit.

Stitch #12 It’s ok to take breaks and go through things a little at a time.

The following day, my mom and I talked about how we felt going through those family things. I regret that I didn’t spend more time with Grandy learning every single skill she knew so that her experience and handcrafting knowledge wouldn’t be lost. But honestly, I’m sure I’ve gained more than I realize. I have some mementos, but mostly, I have memories of her and those are the most precious things.

Here are a few more things to consider when you have the task of going through a crafter’s stash:

• Is this useful to me and my crafting?
  • If I can’t use it, I would rather let it go to someone else who can.

• Do I have space to keep this?
  • If keeping things is going to infringe on my family and my home, Grandy wouldn’t want me to keep it. She was practical that way. My crafting should not burden my living space.

• Can I add this to one of my own projects?
  • Some things Grandy intended for a project can get used in a different way by incorporating them into my own projects. It is a great way to keep some reminders of her with me.

• Will someone else appreciate this item more?
  • I always want to be mindful of the other people in Grandy’s life and how they interacted with her and what they might appreciate from her stash.

• Is this item something that can bless someone else?
  • If I am indifferent about an item, or know for certain it won’t bring me any value, I would rather get it into the hands of someone who will value it and use it.

• If I came across this item in a store, would I buy it?
  • This question helped me sort more practically and separate from my emotions.

• Can I preserve this item as a memory?
  • Some things can be photographed or scrap booked. Other things can be kept on a display shelf or in a shadow box. Not everything has to be kept to be used if it is something especially precious.

• Can a work in progress be finished in a different way?
  • Quilting blocks made into a tote or pillows
  • Swatches made into a sampler throw
  • Embroidery framed and hung on a wall

• Do I need to make a decisions about this item later?
  • Sometimes emotions are just too overwhelming. It’s ok to put things away and make decisions later.

• Is keeping this item a burden to me?
  • Keeping stuff someone else valued because THEY valued it is not a good reason for ME to keep it. Let it go.

Have you had to go through a loved one’s crafting stash? What were some treasures you found? What were some tips that helped you sort through the items? Let me know and maybe help others who are grieving by leaving a comment below.